More often than not people want to improve on their lives. To some extent they are willing to make changes, so long as these don't interrupt what is already comfortable. Let's face it together, the human species generally tries to avoid preventative care when it requires a lot of work. Why do that when a quick fix from a therapist or a band-aid at the outpatient clinic patches up most problems?

There is however one healthy step that we as adults, including transgender persons, can do to improve our quality of life without a great deal of trauma. That would be to identify those behaviors which are self-abusive.

I am not addressing those obvious things which aren't healthy, such as alcohol abuse or addictions. Rather, I encourage readers to look at those things which our not of our own design.

The most obvious and common form of abuse that comes to mind is a self-limiting or defeating attitude. Often as a person is growing up he or she will be told by family members and others that his or her dreams are not possible. 'You can't do that!' 'No way!' 'I don't see how anyone will accept you as a woman (or man), I sure won't!' - Do any of those statements sound familiar?

If the preceding sounded even remotely familiar, it is no surprise. Those kind of statements can range from non-supportive to ridiculing. That type of attitude and behavior also ranges from careless to abusive. And, they can hurt, deeply. The great harm in these type of experiences are that they sink into a person's subconscious.

Because our survival requires that we get along with others, we may not always have the chance to tell someone that his or her opinion is just that, an opinion and not a certain fact. The closer the relationship is often the harder it becomes to express that. Then, the more likely it is that these unresolved incidents will leave an imprint on you.

At the time that rough or insensitive comments are made, often the person who makes them isn't taking into account the hard work you will have to do to meet your goal. And, it is this short-sightedness which distorts our own self concept. The more often you hear negative assessments of yourself, the more likely it is that you may begin making short sighted self-judgments.

When the preceding responses become an ingrained behavior, it is often difficult for the individual to see these unless they are pointed out by friends or in counseling; or something motivates the individual to examine his or her reactions. You can jump start this process by asking yourself questions when you encounter difficulties or feel that sinking feeling that your dreams are unreachable.

What actual tasks would do you need to accomplish to reach your goals? If you do one thing at a time, are your goals achievable long-term? How have others with similar goals been successful? Do you have a role model?

What self-doubting behaviors have blocked your progress in the past.

The nicest thing about being an adult, and especially so for the transitioning person, is you get to be your own parent. You get to make the decisions of what works and feels safe. I like the concept of each of us as adults having an inner child. In some aspect this makes sense, we never stop growing, and hopefully never stop learning.

Another way you can halt the abuse, is to make the decision you are going to be the best parent to yourself possible. What type of future do you want for yourself? Can you pursue safe exploration of gender? Creating your own sense of reality, is the where the fun of transitioning begin.

Obviously you don't want to act in ways that destroy others, but at the same time it is realistic to find ways to get your needs met.