At one time I received a call for help from a crossdresser embroiled in nasty marital discord after that person's spouse discovered infidelity. In brief, the husband had built a secret life, with sexy short skirts, six-inch pumps, and long nights partying in the company of an exotic lover.

In the long run my client was more fortunate than most. Focused counseling and careful mediation allowed the husband to return home. With time the wife came to understand his need to crossdress. They were able to incorporate role play into their love life and generally things turned out pretty well.

Scenarios like the preceding linger as a residual fear for almost every crossdresser who wants to explore sexually, but isn't able to tell this to his or her spouse. It is also possible the crossdresser will feel a resounding dissatisfaction with his or her life (or resentment toward the spouse) because these fantasies cannot be explored. What is left is a complex situation that can be frustrating, confusing and lonely.

Should a married person pursue a sex fantasy involving a third party without his or her spouse's knowledge? If you are asking this question you will find that much depends on the kind of person you decide that you are.

Are you the type of person that doesn't wish to risk seriously hurting your spouse, undermining trust or exposing yourself to risky behavior? If so, then perhaps its best to find a way to fondly daydream about fantasies. But, leave it at that. The blunt reality is this is the experience of most folks. It's not super exciting, but the situation may be improvable by learning how to come out and express your needs to your spouse. Or, stay closeted and enjoy relative safety.

On the other hand, perhaps you are a different kind of person, one who enjoys taking risks or genuinely believes that you can act on a fantasy without others discovering. Maybe you like to do whatever you want, and either you don't care or your spouse doesn't mind. Sometimes trying to sort out your priorities can be difficult. If you are uncertain what to do, discuss these issues within a confidential situation, such as with a counselor.

Whatever you choose to do, when acting on a sex fantasy, particularly the first few times, you would be very wise to put safety precautions in place. While many transgender tragedies involve young persons, others involve more mature and inexperienced folks. You will want to get into the habit of considering safety to avoid falling victim to assault, robbery or disease.

If you decide to meet someone in person, such as in response to the Internet or adult advertising, consider asking for the person's phone number and actual name. Offer yours as well, and discreetly verify the information is valid before actually meeting. Meet in a well-lighted location. If you are not experienced going out as a woman, consider getting self-defense/mace training At a minimum wear sensible shoes and clothing. Those hot fantasy shoes and sexy skirt can be slipped on once you are comfortably settled into the intimate setting.

Special consideration needs to be given to safe sex even if you don't expect to become intimate. Always carry condoms, dental dams and other protective items that coordinate to your fantasies. Consider whether you really want casual intimacy to lead to sex. If you don't, establish that as a personal boundary before meeting, gain a commitment from the person you are meeting, and stay with your plans. Sometimes even with the best of plans, things get hot. If you have protection then you can safeguard the lives you touch and your own.