Copyright 2001
by Gianna E. Israel

People have a variety of angry feelings at different times during their lives, and transgender men and women are no exception.  What is particularly fascinating about this feeling, is it is the most misunderstood, yet, the energy behind it holds the most promise for change.  As a careprovider I have somewhat of a unique insight into anger, because in addition to gender practice I have provided services to others who have been greatly wronged within my civil rights case management activities.  Anger is plentiful with so much hardship in our lives.

Read the following sample statements, and see if any sound familiar.  -My own anger or that of others frightens me.  -If I allowed myself to feel my anger I quite possibly might self-destruct or hurt others.  -No one knows how angry I really am.  -I keep my experiences buried deep inside so that I don't have to feel them.  -I know I feel angry too often, and there is nothing that can be done.  -I explode when I don't get my way, shouting and throwing things at times.

If any of the sample statements above sounded familiar, there is a possibility you may have trouble handling anger.  If that be the case, you are not alone, because many people do.  Another self-introspective way to gauge your emotional control is to examine your responses to other important feeling groups.

Are you able to feel happiness and joy each day?  If not, there is a chance situational anxieties and depression may contribute to your feeling angry.  Is there a great deal of sadness in your life, even if for no explainable reason?  What about shame and fear?  Each of these is powerful emotions connected with a loss of something internal or external to you. It would not be surprising to find that you also feel anger once you identify the loss.

Anger is not unhealthy in and of itself.  Without it, people would be unable to express feelings of frustration, discontentment and irritation. What is unhealthy, however, is expressing this powerful emotion with inappropriate behavior or at times when important affairs need priority, or simply never expressing anger at all.  Transgender folks are no exception to these basic principles, and it is worth observing that at times we can be extremely angry and not realize it.

Why we are angry can vary between persons.  Sometimes folks are just having a bad day, and light up easily!  Other times an individual may not find it easy to get along with others, particularly those with differing viewpoints or experiences.  With these and other anger-causing events, it is realistic to observe that we cannot always choose those things which make us angry.  We can choose to move beyond, change environments, and create new anger-reduced realities.  The preceding includes reducing our contacts with situations and people which are known to repeatedly cause conflict.

There are a variety of ways we can use anger to our benefit, here are some condensed pointers:

• Channel anger into education, advocacy and activism benefiting others or you.  Be professional in your activities by allowing your personal anger to fuel your drive forward, but be mindful that professional-type behavior will be the most respected by others.
• Change the subject.  It may not feel so at the time, however an argument with someone on one subject might easily be set aside.  Create the possibility of discussing other affairs, as this may help you establish a common ground with people when they or you are having a disagreement. People who disagree regularly or enjoy debating can agree on discussion limits or 'rules of the game,' thus allowing a formal or informal structure to keep talks focused, and meaningful to all parties.
• Respect others feelings.  If you are being told more than once that your behavior is hurting another person, stop and ponder your contact with the individual.  Maybe the person is sensitive, or perhaps you really are hurting someone's feelings.  Either way you will not be heard if you hurt others' feelings to the point they lose interest in you, or do not feel you will treat them well.
• Express your own feelings in a private, direct and sophisticated manner. It takes a mature person to know when and when not, to confront others. Generally it is best to do so privately, just as soon as both parties can agree upon a time to discuss each others feelings about a certain topic or activity.  We also know that focusing how the person's behavior effects you, or the cause of anger, is far more effective than name-calling, swearing, or making demeaning statements.
• Refuse to accept verbally or physically abusive or violent behavior. Ask a third party for assistance resolving a dispute if matters come to this.
• Change the method of communication.  Surprisingly, what is relayed angrily in writing might very easily be cleared up in person or via the telephone.  It is also conversely true that writing down your feelings and relaying these to another can often help keep your thoughts focused.  If discussing a situation seems to be going nowhere in the home, at the office or in ordinarily settings, you can upgrade the setting!  Discussing situations and feelings over a nice lunch or dinner can help keep things civilized and possibly create a nice experience for both parties.