When we deal with gender issues, one of the things we hope for is a sense of well-being in our own lives. Yes, balance, or peace of mind. Some would say we don't deserve these things for a variety of reasons. Yet, we need these things no less than others.

Dealing with gender issues can be tortuous, because our internal voices argue against improving on matters. This is particularly true of those issues which effect others. Crossdressing can upset valuable relationships. Transition may end a marriage or have a negative impact on children. Even one's neighbors may stop socializing with us because we are different.

The late author, Kim Elizabeth Stuart, dubbed gender issues an "Uninvited Dilemma." How appropriate, nobody wants to go through a great deal of personal turmoil without some assurance things will improve. Transition usually seems unfathomable to those at the beginning of it.

With all the preceding concerns in mind, it is important to know that it is possible to find balance when dealing with gender issues. Doing so involves the process of coming to terms with who one is, and making decisions about who one wants to become. Most importantly this process must include an awareness that circumstances can turn out well with careful planning. There is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel!

Rather than looking at the many difficulties that gender issues present, it helps to simplify our thinking as much as possible. Sometimes it helps to compare your situation with relatively similar circumstances. For instance, crossdressing for the purpose of sexual gratification does not differ that greatly from other private or intimate acts people engage in intimate settings. Crossdressing is not something you are necessarily obligated to discuss with others. Your children and co-workers really don't need to know, nor does your spouse unless it will directly effect him or her.

Transitioning on the other hand, whether it be part or full-time, is very much like going through puberty. Sometimes people dealing with either don't know whether they are coming or going. Playing with gender is perfectly okay. But, a word of caution, this should not be done at the expense of others. Every effort must be made to insure that other's needs are provided for before you begin moving on with your own needs. Accepting your own needs goes hand in hand with building yourself a support team, so that when it is time to help others - their needs can be of focus.

Recognizing one's own needs is a challenge. One must learn to view having needs as acceptable, even when this feels unfamiliar. Often this is difficult because from childhood we are encouraged to only explore those needs which society accepts as valid. Yet, it is we as people within society who must be willing to determine our needs when they are not getting met and be pioneers moving forward.

Can you give yourself permission to move forward? Hopefully! Nobody really needs permission to change for the better. Actually, it's a required part of living for people who intend to grow. I recommend that individuals do so in an informed, confident and dignified manner. And, make certain to have fun with gender!