I've always liked the metaphoric phrase of a person's closet representing inner secrets, lives and fantasies. Perhaps, because when we set aside any negative connotations people's closets are so interesting. We're not like dogs that merely bury a bone in a dark place, our closets conceal every aspect of human diversity.

Most people understand closets to be shameful but this does not have to be so. Everyone has one. We don't just have personal secrets. Much as with our literal closets, we need a place to store things that don't fit or which we would rather not deal with. Certainly, there are many aspects to life which a person may not as of yet figured out.

Must things remain in a person's closet forever? Generally not, however, that all depends how willing someone is to take on risks, make changes, face rejection and even receive acceptance. For example, many transgender persons remain closeted because it is inconceivable to them that others would be able to love and care about a person with gender issues.

What's most important to recognize, is that it is possible to define closets for ourselves, at least in an overall sense. We already know as a matter of social survival we can't share everything with everyone. But, this doesn't mean those things we keep private need be a source of shame, self-hatred or punishment.

Many transgender folks who cannot come out, even to their closest loved ones, frequently feel that it is unfaithful or forbidden to have secrets. This is an example of one source of shame that is unnecessary. The reality is partners and family members often have different interests, and telling is not always a requirement for a healthy relationship. The only time disclosing one's secrets become required, is when 'not' telling would pose an actual danger of hurting others or oneself. If the potential for this exists, then it may be prudent to gain educational information on disclosure before telling your secret.

Keeping one's transgender identity or need to crossdress in the closet requires some creativity. Being online allows a person to meet others, shop and read educational information. If you are a person that is married, it may be wise to establish a second mailing address for privacy. Bear in mind if you intend to mail order, some companies will not mail to a postal box. A business place such as Mail Boxes Etc will accept packages. It may also be wise to establish credit at an alternate address so that others don't have access to your bills.

Probably the most difficulty crossdressers have is finding a place to store clothes and get dressed. Sometimes its possible to store and change clothes with a friend. Other individuals rent storage/locker space. Whichever, it beats keeping a wrinkled wardrobe in your car's trunk. Establishing a consistent space allows for a larger selection of clothing and shoes.

I am often asked whether a person who is closeted should experiment with taking hormones. My general answer to this is NO unless a person is willing to see a physician and have his or her medications properly monitored. More, it also takes some expertise to know which hormones and amounts are correct for the attributes a person seeks.

Some individuals may want (but not be ready for) full feminization. Others may simply want the calming effects. Whichever, taking hormones significantly alters a person's chemistry, and it won't be long before others notice that something is different. A competent gender specialized evaluation leading up to a recommendation will help insure a person is not accidentally outed and has affairs in order. If you have concern about accidentally being outed from your closet, run your situation past a good friend or counselor. Remember, once out its almost impossible to regain your privacy.

It is well worth remembering that being closeted as well as choosing to come out are personal choices. Be cautious with 'all or nothing' advice from others on these subjects. Only you can decide what is right for your individual situation.

There are some individuals who would happily give advice that coming out is always right. Or, they may suggest that coming out is the only answer if you want to be truly happy. While it is true most people are incredibly happy coming out, those that do not carefully plan for the event find doing so extremely complicated.

On the premise that not everyone can come out, I strongly advocate individuals enjoy their closets as much as possible. Like transitioning, or like everything else for that matter, anything worth doing is worth doing right-and worth enjoying!