Have you ever attended a group or encountered an individual who made every effort to point out that he or she was more beautiful, more bright, better off financially or more experienced in life? Perhaps, are there occasions where you feel like expressing that you are doing better than others. Competitiveness or rivalry is an innate human behavior or quality which has many foundations. Transgender persons are not immune from being competitive, in fact, we often encounter unique forms of competitiveness because of who we are.

Survival is the most obvious and primary form of competition between individuals and groups. People generally have all types of needs and wants. Shelter, food, clothing, sex, power, acceptance, and love. There is no escaping the competition of life. Competitiveness can be a healthy process, at least until a person starts putting down other people's efforts, feelings and ideas. Once people start getting hurt is when an individual needs to examine the behavior and determine if he or she can achieve his or her goals without hurting others.

Transgender competitiveness can be particularly insightful. Our behavior demonstrates just how fragile gender identity is, even for people who have spent years living a well adjusted life. Competitiveness can also vary widely depending on the situation. From group settings to friendship, people's behavior can range from sociable to outrageous. One interesting observation I have made is that typically the more complex an individual's needs are, the more sophisticated his or her competitive behavior can become. Why is this so? This observation can generally be explained by the concept that very complex people must often struggle tremendously through adversity to survive in a discriminatory world. In other words, the more differences a person has, the harder he or she generally has to work in order to get a wide variety of personal needs met.

I always enjoy watching competitiveness from a distance. Sometimes, upon entering a room filled with transgender folk, I feel tempted to make funny statements when I see a great deal of competition taking place. Such as, would the passing-perfect, politically correct, true transsexual, whose gender theories are most valid, please stand up so that we may all know who you are! Without my coaxing, through competitive behavior, these persons have a way of making themselves known. Fortunately, however, most competitive behavior is not too outrageous and serves necessary social and personal functions.

Would transgender individuals be well-served by being less competitive? That is a hard question to answer because to tinker with nature's balance might make for either a very boring or overly competitive crowd. Does competitiveness hurt peoples feelings? Absolutely, particularly if an individual abandons pride and entirely bases his or her self worth on what others have accumulated, are doing, say, or have accomplished. Fortunately, however, most transgender men and women have enough investment in becoming who they are so as to recognize the merits of their own individuality.

"I am fine and accomplished for who I am" is the one statement I like to hear clients make, in their own words. Can you say that or something similar? If not, stand in the mirror and try, until you can believe yourself. If you cannot believe such a statement, talk with your friends and therapist about self-worth. Some people gain this self acceptance quickly in life, for others it takes effort. In some cases it may take a lifetime of reassuring oneself of their own worthiness. This may be particularly true for people who have been abused or who repeatedly thrust themselves in complex situations where others are constantly bombarding people with negativity.

Often, in a general sense, competitive games can become very tiring and negative. This is especially true when an insecure person intentionally sets out to make others feel less worthy than others, without any purpose for doing so. Less attractive, less experienced, less correct in ideas, and less valid as a man, woman or even a transgender person. Any way you look at such behavior, it is at least uncaring and is at most mean, even when the competitive person cannot see it. Should he or she be told the behavior is hurtful? That would depend on how interested you are in a relationship with the person, and whether you feel inclined to deal with a confrontational reaction. Sometimes people hear it when they are told that their behavior is hurting others, however many times a person is hurtful because he or she simply doesn't care about the consequences of his or hers actions.

In my own personal and business dealings I tend to ignore competitive behavior, particularly if a person's actions are petty or truly unsophisticated. Why? Generally, because I would rather invest my time in positive situations and people. In your own life, thinking about competitive behavior can help you better understand people's motivations and needs. Learning how to interact within competition can also help you gauge your strengths and weaknesses, thus giving you insight into how to survive and succeed. Ultimately, today's competition is tomorrow's history. Bearing that in mind may help you recognize when competition is crucial or simply a stroking of one's ego.