One of the more common reasons a person may seek the opinions of a therapist, counselor or other related professional is to bring clarity to gender questions.  Am I a transsexual?  Is my desire to crossdress psychotic?  Is it possible to fulfill my fantasies without destroying others or myself?

While it can be a complex task to evaluate and assist in these matters, doing so also remains unique in many ways.  Most of all, it is interesting to see how people make dreams come true with careful planning and exploration.  In many respects a fantasy which may linger a lifetime can become a reality.

In order for this process to occur, the first thing men and women must come to terms with is that exploring gender issues and having a transgender identity are okay.  What is unique about transgender persons is that gender questions bubble to the surface deep from the foundation of one's self identity.  Like most unresolved issues in life, those questions which remain unanswered keep reappearing.  In other words, as an integral part of self a person's gender identity cannot simply be wished away.

After coming to terms with one's identity and needs, interestingly not everyone goes through a period of experiencing intense emotional conflict. Rather, it almost seems as if they develop self-permission to view exploring gender as a new, exciting challenge.  A life without guilt and fear becomes one with the prospect of unlimited potential.  In some cases an individual simply wishes to crossdress more, and does so; and in other circumstances, the person carefully paces a transition.

Giving oneself permission to crossdress or transition takes longer for some individuals and they should not be penalized for it.  These persons may have to go through elaborate mental processes in order to insure that their behavior is not going to adversely impact others and themselves. And, the extra consideration these persons invest into others and themselves can make exploring gender all the more fascinating.

How does someone tell his or her spouse about gender issues?  -How is it possible to minimize the impact of gender issues on one's children?  -What safety concerns exist?  -Do I dress in front of my neighbors or only go out after dark hoping that others do not see me?  Sometimes the questions may seem endless, but ultimately searching for answers is worthy of one's time.  Doing so beats the alternative.  Suppressing a vital portion of one's self-identity leads to misery.

What about fantasies?  With a suppressed transgender identity there are so many.  Sometimes its difficult to tell which one's really can be safely pursued and which are better off left to imagination.  The variety of fantasies we entertain is endless.  -A mere shopping trip dressed en femme.  -Getting oneself an elegant manicure.  -Dressing elegantly and attending a discreet dinner party.  -Having a sexual encounter in your preferred gender role.  -Being called the 'right pronoun' and feeling your spirits soar.

Surprisingly, the vast majority of these basic fantasies are available in real life to most transgender persons.  They can be pursued discreetly by oneself or through local transgender community organizations.  Contacts with like-minded individuals can also occur there or on the Internet at places like TG-Forum.com.  Certainly caution should be used with initial contacts, however we now know that numerous transgender folks find their niche.

Why is it that some people never do?  Fear is the obvious answer. However, underscoring that fear is the continual messages society relays that transgender behavior is wrong.  It is disheartening to consider the large number of intelligent persons that actually believe these messages. What proof do these folks have that being oneself is wrong?  They don't, which is why they keep repeating their message, hoping you will believe it and feel guilty, ashamed and despise yourself.

Strangely, sometimes even in the gender community, there is not always support for people who are initially trying to achieve their dreams.  I have often heard the comment that "so and so is just living in a dream world."  And, 'so what' is usually my response, particularly if the individual is not harming themselves or others.  Hope is something that springs from our dreams and fantasies, and denying it to others while demanding for ourselves is wrong.  A person's best plan:  Safely enjoy your dreams, but never fail to enjoy the process of making some of these happen.