Sometimes when a new transman or women begin dating they find themselves at a quandary. How is a man or woman supposed to act? What things can a person do to start a relationship on solid footing? What about first-time intimacy and sexual encounters?

When a person presents in a new gender role or transitions to full-time, most people eventually have a heightened interest in dating and intimacy. For many this is surprising part of exploring gender, especially since prior to transition some transgender individuals had intimacy difficulties.

If a transitioning person was married, it is not uncommon for intimacy between partners to be strained. For others, prior to transitioning, sexual experiences may have been unsatisfying, particularly in instances where the role play doesn't match a person's mindset. Finally, there is a noticeable number of pre-transition individuals with little or no relationship experience.

If a person has had these past difficulties it is important to understand why. Beating oneself up over these questions, which are so personal, would not be a healthy option. Essentially if one's gender identity remains unexplored or immature, it may not have been possible for it to mature in relation to other parts of a person's sense of self or connection to others.

After all, if a transgender woman wants the world to relate to her as a woman, then it would only be possible for her needs to be fulfilled with that type of scenario. Its just not going to happen prior to transition or if she is required to be intimate as a man. That may fulfill someone else's need, such as perhaps an ex-wife, but it does nothing for the transwoman.

Possibly the best approach any newly transitioned person can use with first time experiences is to focus on building communication skills. If asked, most people will be genuine about they are seeking. Is it a casual friendship, with the possibility of something more? Or, is it a hot casual sex? Whatever type of relationship is sought, optimally it needs to be based on respect and safety.

What does a person want going in? What is he or she willing to try? How fast is too is too much? How is 'no' or 'maybe another day' relayed? How long is a person hoping the relationship will last?

There are also warning signs to look for during conversations leading into intimacy and relationship. The biggest one, which is also the most overlooked, is neglecting to hear what a person is interested in. If a partner says he or she is only looking for a casual encounter, not a relationship, that generally is the actual case. No matter how attractive or exciting the person may be, he or she likely has unresolved issues, perhaps even a spouse, which is barring him or her from looking into new relationships.

New encounters can open a door of possibilities for persons who say they are interested in that. Take things slow. Its often best for people to share a little more information each encounter. Telling too much can be overwhelming or set a person at risk of being taken advantage of.

The most important thing you can do as an individual is be yourself.

Often at the beginning of transition, transmen or women may worry that their new gender may not be enough. In other words, a person may not be enough of a man or woman, and that this may be a turn off to the partner.

Generally, if a person is going to accept you for your new gender, he or she will have considerably less worries about this than you, once you have disclosed your transgender status.

How it works is as follows, in most circumstances if a person isn't attracted to something about you, he or she will say so early in the relationship or wouldn't be hanging around in the first place. Therefore, never worry that you are not man or woman enough to be in a relationship.

Though, it doesn't hurt to ask your partner, from time to time, how he or she is experiencing time with you.

It is worth mentioning that some individuals will be specifically attracted because you have a transgender identity. You must decide how much of this dynamic you want in your life. Will they be able to see and treat you in a manner you like? Or, will they never accept fully you for the gender of your choosing, and instead see you as transgender? Its best to date someone whose idea of you matches your self-perception.

Asking your partner how he or she feels about these issues, and perceives you, will give you clues if the attraction is something that is right for you. You also can set a tone to the relationship by stating what you like early in the contact. Its recommended you do so before intimacy, within the first or second encounter - particularly for pre-operative persons.

Most importantly, look for a consistency in behavior and words that feels right for you. This, after all, is the foundation of a well-formed relationship, and when it occurs things about it will feel right. Always remember, relationships are a two-way street. You can give all you like, just make certain that you are getting back and your needs get filled, too.