Recently I was scanning my weekly selection of clippings from the press and I came across a disturbing quote from one of our national transgender leaders who was discussing the social difficulties which arise from people engaged in the transgender lifestyle.

Lifestyle? Either that individual misspoke or was misquoted, nevertheless that is an inappropriate word when used to describe a person's gender identity and subsequent needs.

Lifestyle is more commonly used to describe a person's way of living, pursuits and ideals. Applying the term to a person's inherent or inborn identity and needs belittles who he or she is. More, it infers that a person has some choice in these characteristics, which we know to be untrue.

I have rarely (if ever) heard of people applying 'lifestyle' in a positive fashion when correlated with a person's sexual orientation, gender identity or internal need to crossdress. This is precisely because the word is used to pass on a judgement - usually from a non-transgender person who believes everyone must conform to non-transgender identity or heterosexuality. Sorry, that's just not going to happen in a diverse world.

So when we hear or use 'lifestyle' lets all strive to use it in a correct context. Neither contributing to nor supporting those who incorrectly use language in a manner that denigrates our individual uniqueness.

One lingering question on this topic is whether or not to confront a person who incorrectly applies lifestyle or other judgmental words to your situation. If you are going to have regular contact with such a person it may be worth your effort. Otherwise, it might be just fine if you have difficulty communicating or are easily provoked its probably okay to let the matter rest.

During a confrontation you might consider ending a conversation with a well-worded sound bite, which fits within the context of the conversation. There is no need to be rude or condescending. But, it is okay to inform others how their behavior effects you.

Occasionally, I like to use humor to quickly and painlessly get my point across. For instance, I'll pose a question, such as, earlier you said that you supported my lifestyle. Does that mean that you see being myself as a 'Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous' type of thing? When they say no, I correct their original misconception of who I am and drive my point home.

Whatever your approach be cautious to not allow yourself to become frustrated at other people's attitudes and misuse of words. They are not yours after all. Not everyone is capable of understanding another person's experience, after all they aren't walking in your shoes.