Frequently at the onset of gender identity conflicts, or with coming to terms with the need to crossdress, individuals are plagued with a variety of confusing feelings. And, it is difficult to determine what your needs are, if you do not have practice listening to your feelings inside. This article focuses on the five primary feelings..

ANGER - dominates some people's experience. Perhaps you have someone in your life that won't allow you to crossdress, or who has called you sick or bad. Anger is also associated with the poor treatment transgender people receive in society. This is an important, useful feeling whose energy can be redirected into carefully paced steps forward, progress.

Some people feel very tense when angry, others ball up their fists or have a tightness in their chest as if they want to shout out and be heard. Learning to know your anger symptoms or signs are critical for making it work for you.

SHAME - is often the first feeling people experience after their gender issues are discovered by others, particularly parents who did not understand. This feeling can haunt a transgender person for life, if he or she cannot accept the human-ness of having a transgender identity. Nobody, absolutely nobody, should feel ashamed to be who he or she is.

Without a doubt shame makes most people feel small, as if they are worthless, bad, dirty. If left unresolved shame transforms into a person feeling constantly guilty, incapable, as if no one understands. Physically a person feels like drawing away, fleeing or not wishing to be seen. People with a lot of shame issues often have great difficulty communicating their needs.

SADNESS - comes frequently for individuals who start dealing with gender issues later in life, and yet do not realize that their entire life experiences may be needed for transition. Sadness also is abundant with the enormous losses transgender folks encounter, usually not by any fault of their own but because others cannot tolerate people's difference.

Sadness brings a physical reaction of a need to cry, people experience sharp pain in the center of their chest. They may be described as heart-broken. Unresolved sadness or a state of continuous mourning is very unhealthy, as people must grieve after a loss so they can move on and find new, worthwhile situations and relationships.

JOY - is a wonderful experience, and not surprisingly coveted by all. In our lives, it comes with a successful coming out, or unexpected acceptance. Sadly, some transgender men and women go through nearly their entire lives without experiencing joy. They are robbed an essential feeling which makes life rewarding.

Joy feels fun, inspired and happy. Within the body a person experiences a sense of lightness, freedom and well-being. People not familiar with experiencing joy must literally practice recognizing when happiness arises on a daily basis. Severely depressed people can experience joy gradually with effort.

FEAR - very few lives escape this feeling, and particularly transgender people. The most common fear encountered may sound familiar, it is one of believing that dealing with transgender issues will destroy your life. But, those who take the time to learn all they can, especially how others successfully dealt with the consequences, often find their fears did not come true. A word of caution, until you are ready to deal with life, fear is useful in that it protects you from harm.

Fear, similar to shame, is experienced by a pulling back, fleeing or avoidance. Something which causes fear is also said to create nervousness, panic, and a generalized un-centered feeling. Often the best way to overcome fear, is to acknowledge it, and then gradually confront that which is hindering your path.

Perhaps the greatest difficulty people have with feelings, is that they assign positive and negative judgements to each. Feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are. As a practical matter, living in the moment and allowing yourself to work through feelings can simplify your life.

Interestingly, while many transfolk experience gender in a physical sense, others find seeking their transgender needs liberates long-forgotten emotions. For example, some MTF transsexuals find themselves crying for the first time in years, or other FTM's find it possible to express their anger.

Feelings are the stuff that make life worth living. Once you can identify these, you are then ready to inquire how other people experience anger, sadness, shame, joy and fear.