Suicide is probably the one subject that people most dislike talking or thinking about. Yet, it is also the one activity which can elicit a dramatic response when it happens. This is because it is so closely linked with the subject of death. Death is something we all face, and see around us everyday.

When things become unbearable and a person is living in deep psychological pain sometimes suicide feels like the only option. This can happen when a person is depressed, particularly when all hope seems to have disappeared. Facing death is a very real part of life, particularly as we muddle through the grime of daily existence just hoping things will improve.

Nobody knows what exists beyond death's door, which is why I don't call suicide a final option. Suicide, or other self-imposed slower forms of death, is what happens when we forget our reasons for being here in the first place. I know because a number of years ago, I had forgotten.

Those of you who know me as a therapist, also know that I tend to share personal reflections when something is relevant to a discussion. If some pain I saw can be avoided by another person, then - God bless us both - is my attitude. Thus, I can attest to the fact suicidal feelings happen a lot more than people wish to admit.

Some years ago, I compiled a list that some know-it-all therapist came up with, the one where you write down all your reasons for living and dying. I had reached almost a true state of hopelessness after facing a devastating, multiple tragedy in my own personal world. That list seemed really useless during such a severe crisis.

Like other therapists and doctors I know who have faced really, really bad things, my loved ones and I literally cried for days and months. At the same time I was in crisis, I also had another colleague feeling much the same as I. Suicide and depression were like code words, we could have only hoped to have had a "bad" day. We both had been so traumatized by what had been happening to us, that we were afraid to open our mail, just so we could avoid finding out about more new problems.

My colleague and I also laughed like lunatics from shared pain. Just like our clients, we were experts at hiding our feelings and experiences from the world around us. What a mask we as humans put on! We talked about what it is like for us to stare at a wall crying all day, then miraculously "snap into role" as provider, then break down sobbing as the last client left.

My friend and I even had our lines well rehearsed. If any client ever asked me what was wrong I'd tell them my allergies were acting up. Like with most people, shame of my vulnerability gave me concern that others would notice I was in pain. Like any therapist, I also wanted to insure that my personal situation did not effect my competency. So, very discreetly I found myself asking clients to provide me with feedback on their experience receiving counseling from me. Can you image the relief I felt when no client noticed anything different about me or my abilities?

My colleague and I also talked about our lists. Yup, that dang list, again. I'd been writing mine down daily for months. I got it edited down to several pages. My reasons for living were short enough. My reasons for living are probably what saved my life, along with more love from my adopted family than a depressed person would believe they deserve.

REASONS FOR LIVING

1. To figure out how to enjoy what blessings we perceive in the world around us, and to look around and find new blessings.
2. Be here for those who need us, and to learn how to accept help from others.
3. Try to help those who can't see the value of their own lives, and to leave the world a better place than I found it.

If you are a person who feels suicidal, I hope a reminder regarding reasons for being here was helpful. It probably is a good idea if you stay around awhile, and see what you can get out of life. After all, death can be a very boring prospect. If you made it this far, you probably got a real good reason for living. Write it down so that you remember it!

During those years of dealing with the process of facing suicidal feelings, I talked with not only my colleague, but my other colleagues. They all seemed happy that it was me who was calling them, and not them calling me in crisis. One thing that we discussed, which seemed poignant, is the state of transgenderness. As children, and adults, we've got a lot of people around us saying, die.

Die, cause you're different. You don't fit in, so just go away. So, the face of death is something with which we are all intimately familiar. We didn't give in to their indirect and direct suggestions, therefore there is no need for us to give into negative messages which have become internalized. We just don't need that bullshit in our lives. Find a healthy way to alter your mood when suicidal thoughts or a depressed mood strikes.

One of the best ways is to change your mood is to talk with another human about your suicidal thoughts or depressed feelings. Probably the best person to speak with would be an individual whom is objective, in other words personally removed from your situation. This would include a counselor, therapist, or a person at Suicide Prevention. A person at Suicide Prevention is trained to talk about emotions and problems. They will also even speak with you about how to deal with suicidal feelings.

Sometimes if a person is feeling suicidal, it can be also healthy to remove dangerous objects from a home. This is especially true if a person is thinking about suicide on a regular basis each day. Items a person probably might leave safeguarded with a friend would include lethal dosages of medications or other objects which could be used in a suicide plan. It may seem silly to set aside or remove yourself from a plan, however it will leave you dealing with the issue of preserving your life.

If you are a regular reader or client of mine who is concerned about my publishing an article regarding suicide, you should know I am always open to questions. Everyone else, please remember we are all human. Thoughts about suicide and depression are common to the human experience. This is why I routinely suggest we try to be nice to others, and remember that others also have feelings.