Early in our transgender history, such as when crossdressers were relegated to obscurity, and transsexuals were expected to conform to stereotypes in order to get treatment, having relationships with other transgender persons was unthinkable. Today trans-on-trans love is more common place.

In an informal review of clients within my practice, approximately thirty percent of transgender persons express an intimate attraction to other transgender men and women. Of these, most will explore that attraction on at least several occasions, and about half of those will evolve into committed relationships of less than five years in length.

Approximately one of four committed relationships between transgender couples become long term. More fascinating than these estimates, however, are some of the dynamics as well as assumptions concerning these relationships.

Transgender people, no less than others, have every right to get their needs filled through intimacy and relationships. In a sense doing so with trans partners represents the vibrancy of exploring gender boundaries. Its not that there are no limitations, but that transgender people are more likely to feel positive about having partners that do not embrace strict social stereotypes.

One factor which brings rise to this phenomena are the uncertainties about sexual orientation which can occur when coming to terms with having a transgender identity and transition needs. During these events, people ask questions. Am I a man? A woman? Am I bi-gendered? Am I still attracted to my partner? Is my sexual orientation changing? Are changes okay? (Yes, changes are!)

In this journey of discovery, seeking other transgender persons may not seem such a remote possibility. And, what of having someone who understands? Having someone who has personally encountered similar needs, questions and exploration, plays an integral role in trans-on-trans attractions.

Unfortunately, and somewhat sadly, many people do not want to understand trans-on-trans partners or experiences. Sometimes their questions can be confusing Why go through so much effort at transitioning, just to sleep with another transsexual? Why not be a real man or woman, and find yourself an appropriate partner? Such attacks and questions can seem endless as others apply their personal orientation and judgements to your situation.

What people, and even some community members, may fail to observe, is that both partners in trans-on-trans relationships are valid humans. Much as many non-transgenders fail to understand us, sometimes other transgenders cannot entirely understand each other. Not being able to understand others experiences is perfectly reasonable, discriminating against or harassing others is not.

After all this struggle, many transsexuals are frequently left with the worry that his or her partner will no longer be interested in a relationship after one or both has surgery. Partners should discuss these issues, and reach an understanding as to whether one or both might wish to explore, or perhaps move on, when circumstances change. This way both parties have an idea what to expect and no one gets hurt.

Whether you or your partner is transitioning or found a place of peace, allow yourself healing, love and intimacy. Many people have had strong, meaningful relationships with transgendered men and women. Allowing yourself to feel happy in the present is one of the keys to enjoying relationships.