Note: This FAQ is incomplete. I have made it available because it now contains considerably more than the original FAQ, but there is still much work to be done. Please send suggestions, comments, and contributions to Diane Wilson.

This FAQ is a directory of information for the transgender community. It does not (and could not possibly) answer all questions, but should give you a start in finding your way around, on the net as well as in real life.

This page contains the table of contents and basic information about the soc.support.transgendered newsgroup, and will be posted periodically in soc.support.transgendered. For complete access to all sections of this FAQ, please access this page on the web at <http://www.firelily.com/gender/sstgfaq/>.

Table of Contents

1. What is soc.support.transgendered?
   1. Who may post in soc.support.transgendered?
   2. What may be posted in soc.support.transgendered?
2. Terminology
3. Privacy
   1. How Do I Protect My Privacy Online?
   2. How Do I Protect My Privacy in Real Life?
   3. To What Extent is Privacy Important?
4. Origins
   1. Who Are We?
   2. Where Did We Come From?
   3. What is Our Place in the World?
   4. What Can We Do to Change Things?
5. Common issues
   1. How do I know?
   2. What is Gender Therapy About?
   3. What Should I Know About Coming Out?
   4. What About Conflicts with Religion?
   5. Which Restroom Do I Use?
   6. What About Support Resources?
      1. What Support Resources are Available in Real Life?
      2. What Other Electronic Resources are Available?
6. TS/TG issues
   1. What are the "Standards of Care?"
   2. What Should I Know About Hormones?
      1. What are the Medical Facts?
      2. What About Herbal Hormones?
   3. What are the Surgical Options?
      1. What Should I Know About Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS)?
      2. What About Cosmetic Surgery?
   4. What are the Legal Issues?
      1. How Do I Change My Name?
      2. How Do I Change My Legal Sex?
   5. What Should I Expect When I Transition?
   6. What About Employment and Transition?
   7. What is the Relationship to Sexuality?
7. TV/CD issues
   1. What is Crossdressing About?
   2. How Do I Keep My Marriage?
   3. What is the Relationship Between Crossdressing and Sexuality?
8. Male-to-Female Issues
   1. Where Can I Shop?
   2. How Do I Learn to Do Makeup?
   3. Where Can I Learn About Breast Forms?
   4. Can We Talk About Passing?
   5. How Do I Hide "The Bulge?"
   6. What Can I Do About Getting a Feminine Voice?
   7. What Should I Know About Electrolysis?
   8. What Safety Issues Do I Need to Consider?
9. Female-to-Male Issues
10. Other Paths
    1. Androgyny
    2. Bigendered
    3. "None of the Above"
11. SO, friends, and family issues
    1. What Support is Available for Spouses and Significant Others?
    2. How and When do I Tell My Children?
    3. How and When do I Tell My Parents, Family and Friends?
    4. What About Transgendered Young People?
12. Bibliography

1. What is soc.support.transgendered?

This is the charter of soc.support.transgendered, as approved in the newsgroup vote (June-July 1994):

Charter

soc.support.transgendered is a forum for the discussion of issues surrounding transgendered behavior, for support and networking of crossdressers, transsexuals, intersexed persons, their mates, friends, and families, and the simply curious. It is intended to foster discussion on a wide variety of topics, ranging from discussion of the perils and benefits of surgery and hormone therapy to makeup tips, and including health- and job-related issues, issues of parenting and of other relationships, and discussion of gender roles and expectations. It is the proper forum for support of transgendered persons, ranging from autobiographies to names and addresses of support groups, surgeons, and commercial outlets friendly to the transgendered community. It may be used for calls for help from those depressed by their inability to live up to the social expectations appropriate to the gender assigned them at birth. It provides a place for discussions of discriminatory legislation, for discussions of the sources of gender identity, and for discussion of the impact of transgendered behavior on everyday life. It is also a place where those who are interested may come to learn what it means to be a crossdresser, transsexual, or intersexed person.

soc.support.transgendered is NOT a newsgroup for the posting of fiction with transgendered themes, personal ads, or blanket condemnations of the transgendered. Posters are expected to know and abide by the rules of netiquette.

Ultimately, the newsgroup's goals are dual: to provide support and advice to those in need, and to act as a source of information to those interested in learning more.

History of the Charter

The Request For Discussion and Call For Votes for soc.support.transgendered were initiated and edited by a group of six transgendered persons of various brands and nationalities: Amy Lewis, Kristin, Linda, Marge Otto, Meli, Mharia, and Paulette. The above charter and group name were approved on 12 July 1994 by a vote of 298:72. The most controversial issue in the vote was the inclusion of the word "support" in the name.

1.1 Who may post in soc.support.transgendered?

Anyone may post in the group, so long as the post is on-topic and not excluded by the charter. It is not necessary that the poster be transgendered; posting to the group does not make someone transgendered.

For those whose situation requires anonymity, there are a number of anonymous posting services available. For details and instructions on using any of these services, look for an article posted through the service, and follow the included directions (in the signature at the bottom) to receive more information.

1.2 What may be posted in soc.support.transgendered?

What may not be posted:

personals

There are newsgroups specifically for personal advertisements, most in the alt.personals hierarchy. In November, 1995, the newsgroup alt.personals.transgendered was formed specifically for personal ads in order to prevent their being posted either here or in the alt.transgendered newsgroup.

In late Spring, 1995, an initiative was undertaken for the creation of a soc.personals hierarchy (moderated) which would probably be more widely propagated. The initiative passed but at the present time has not been created due to difficulty in establishing a moderator address for postings.

binaries

Pictures, programs, or anything uuencoded. There are newsgroups devoted to binaries of various types; they clog discussion groups and cause groups to be dropped at various sites (therefore, they are specifically prohibited by the charter).

Two newsgroups which accept GIFs and JPGs of transgendered people are alt.sex.trans and alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.transvestites, although many sites refuse to carry them because of the large amount of disk space needed to store newsgroups with binary posts. (If your site doesn't carry them, it does not mean you can violate the charter and post them here.)

fiction

Largely because it tends to be sex-related, and this can get the group banned at certain sites (the charter specifically prohibits this sort of post). There are places to post such materials: for erotic stories, try alt.sex.stories or alt.sex.stories.tg; for non-erotic, rec.arts.prose.

preachery

We're not interested in knowing that you consider us bad and sinful! Go away!

advertisements

(but see "pointers to resources," below) Advertisements by people unconnected with the group, and especially for goods and services unconnected to the interests of the readers of the group, are a Very Bad Idea. Informational postings, even if they are by nature commercial, and especially by those who participate in the group in other ways, are usually welcome.

"spam"

Massive cross-posting, multi-posting, off-topic predigested pink meat substitute posts. (To be nitpicking and technical, "spam" is multi-posted; "velveeta" is cross-posted.)

netiquette violations generally

If you don't know what netiquette is, please read one of the guides to usenet, and the group itself, before posting. Emily Postnews is one of the standard guides. Try following the newsgroup news.answers for a month or so (there are numerous interesting sorts of things posted there, anyway).

What often is posted:

introductions

personal accounts

triumphs and tribulations, requests for advice or offers of the same

questions and tips

on clothing, makeup, techniques, doctors, organizations, etc.

speculation

on the nature of being transgendered, on the meaning of gender, on the relationship between being transgendered and [fill in the blank], etc.

pointers to resources

T*-friendly stores, magazines, etc. Note that this sometimes crosses the line into advertisements, which will probably result in your mailbox being filled with irate email. This is most easily avoided if you are otherwise a regular contributor.

What is extremely unwelcome:

personal attacks

We're all human, and tempers will flare occasionally. In general, this sort of thing is best resolved quietly, in email. From time to time, though, a public response is appropriate; it's a judgment call, and you should be ready to take responsibility for your words and for their results.

invalidation

We're all here to deal with personal issues. Courtesy requires us to accept others as they present themselves. Attacking someone for who they are, or worse yet, telling them that they aren't who they say they are, is extremely inappropriate in a support group. If you do these things, you are likely to make quite a few enemies, beyond the people that you attack directly, and you are likely to be introduced to several people's killfiles.

flame wars

Either of the above is likely to lead to retaliation. If you must say something harsh in public, the mature follow-up is to drop the subject and let it go. All too often, that's not what happens, and the entire newsgroup becomes consumed in a vicious fight that may last anywhere from days to months. Consider the following:

1. If you flame people, there's a good chance that it will cost you the respect of others.
2. If you are considered the instigator of a flame war, your name will live in infamy in the newsgroup.
3. Many people post anonymously. Flaming through some anonymous servers can cost you your anon account. Flaming from a forged address guarantees instant, complete, and lasting loss of credibility. (And remember that many forgeries can be traced. The net isn't that anonymous.)
4. The worst part about flame wars is that they are extremely repititious. Whatever the subject is, it's happened before, and no one really wants to be dragged through it again. But they still happen.
5. The worst flame wars center on labels--who is or isn't a transsexual, who is or isn't transgendered, and who has the right to decide. soc.support.transgendered is not not NOT the place to argue such issues. If you are asked to take these topics elsewhere, such as email or alt.transgendered, please do so.

This is not to say that all controversy is inappropriate. All we ask is that you be civilized about it. Growth and learning can both result from controversy. What is not appropriate is pushing it to the point that it hurts other people. If you hear someone yelp, back off and take a hard look to see if you did something to cause that other person to hurt.

Because when you get right down to it, flame wars aren't about issues; they are about hurting people. There are no winners in flame wars, only losers.

What happens when you post inappropriately:

Someone, or several someones, will tell you so--sometimes politely, sometimes not.

In addition, there has been discussion recently about the occasionally large number of messages that are crossposted between this newsgroup and related newsgroups. The consensus has been that this newsgroup, being in the "mainstream" big 8 hierarchies, is focused more on giving advice and support, and that the "alt" newsgroups are a more appropriate place for discussions about the philosophy of crossdressing and transsexualism (e.g., alt.transgendered). In relation to several newer newsgroups, the role of soc.support.transgendered has become more general and community-based, while the alt.* groups are for more specialized issues within a particular subject area. However, this is only a suggestion by consensus and does not have the same degree of inappropriateness as the above section.

When in doubt, don't crosspost.

---

Disclaimer: Use this at your own risk. Things change daily on the Net and net-related information in this FAQ may not necessarily be correct. The only part of this document that can be considered perpetually accurate is the charter quoted in the first section of the Introduction.

Copyright © 1994-1997 by Amy A. Lewis, Kymberleigh Richards, and Diane Wilson. This page may be redistributed only after notifying the authors and entirely without changes other than what may be required for formatting into another medium.

Last updated September 20, 1997.

The soc.support.transgendered FAQ was originally written by Amy A. Lewis <alicorn@pobox.com>, and was updated in late 1995 and early 1996 by Kymberleigh Richards <sysadmin@xconn.com>. It is currently maintained by Diane Wilson <diane@firelily.com>; updates and additions should be sent to Diane Wilson. The FAQ Introduction is also available via the Cross Connection archive server.