Les Bizarrables

Cat Tales	I should be working. Instead, I'm trying to teach my cat Russian. I want him to bring me his brush.
Dysaudia	Highlights of morning radio.
Dream of Garnish	When I found a place to sit, I looked at my plate. My lunch was a bland chicken dish in a white sauce over rice.
Becoming One	Concrete slabs are not cold or emotionless. I have interviewed several.
The Meaning of Machines	We've decided it just doesn't make sense for both of us to be spending money on computers. You know, for a couple of techno-geeks, this is probably a sign of real commitment.
Origin of Species	Float, drifting. Lightness warms. Nip lightness from up; easy.
Holiday Movies I Intend to Miss	Isolation, dwindling food supplies, and bone-numbing cold.
Stochasms (Statistical Realities)	You're not just one statistic; you're an indeterminate, everchanging number of statistics.
Ancient Egyptian Objects	The LACMA is having an exhibit on "The American Discovery of Ancient Egypt".
Lizard Eyes	Plus, of course, we all have eyes set too close together by lizard standards.
A Reader Survey	Choose your first impulse; second-guessing yourself will only leave a false impression.
Places to Avoid, and Why	The high school football team, known as the "Ooze," is undefeated.
Decorator Condoms	There's really no good reason to be doing this....
Time Portals	Ever since Einstein proved that the flow of time is observer-dependent, the circular flow of time in the Middle East has been assumed without question.
Selling Out	Give me liberty, or give me a death-defying jump across the Snake River.
My Summer Reading List	Trembling Cripples and Lusty Kitchen Maids, by Charles Dickens
Bert and Ernie	I got a well-rounded introduction to sexual diversity that would put the most advanced Human Resources diversity training to shame.
Recalled Past	Your Past^(tm) has been recalled. Defects have been discovered.
Holy Water is the Ubik of the 90's	They can disagree with you only by risking their immortal soul.
The Twelve Chairs: Proverbs	A chair in the road is yesterday's grandmother.
Job Profile: Panty Wedger	"We're proud that each of our panties will cause a full day's discomfort," says Pistachio Wallbanger, lead panty wedger on the production line.
Fiction versus Non-Fiction	After reading Great Mambo Chicken and the Transhuman Condition, I came to the conclusion that non-fiction is simply...
Bizarre Verite	Who needs eyes? Get a camera. Watch your life from outside yourself.
Music Newsgroups I'd Like to See	Patrick Tufts started it all by posting a bogus newgroup proposal.
Quotable Diane	My claim to net.fame is that I don't have a claim to net.fame. I don't even want net.fame. I donated my 15 minutes of fame to Goodwill.

Blackened Humor

Les Bizarrables