What is humor, seriously?

Is it the wind that sighs like a deathmoan outside my bedroom window?

Is it a cockroach?

Can it be confused with a watermelon?

These questions pique the illiterate masses, but we who speak in a code that antedates Eberhard Faber can disregard the hubbub.

It is a trivial demonstration to prove that there is no humor, and nothing to be humorous about. (See my monograph on Strategic Nihilism in the Philosophy Today classifieds).

Forget humor. There are other fried fish to scale.

The most recent natural duality probed by science has been under our noses since before Hammurabi--the Good/Evil transmogrification effect.

Like matter and energy, the forces of good and evil interact, exchanging minute packets called ethicons that carry the elementary ethics charges.

A powerful vortex over Washington sucks up ethicons, thus preventing an accumulation of ethics charges. Probing and eventually counteracting this vortex is a challenge for today's quantum otolyngologists. They must work closely with metamorphic engineers to shield the region from the monotreme traces of echidnal detritus left by the Massive Boom that created our polyverse.

It is no simple matter.

The residual swamp methane that powers today's Congress poses a considerable danger, as a reservoir of avaricial carbon. Deep in the Capitol swamp are thousands of small points of light, often mislabeled as flickering flames of freedom. These ephemeral beacons mark coordinates where the public trust is burned in the presence of ethicons to feed the vast power vortex.

Nuclear pundicists hope to tap this energy to better assimilate data from the wholly ozone layer of the gaseous yolk sac that protects embryonic humanity from the bedrock harshness of the ether, in which the arachnid of spacetime suspends itself.

However, if continued funding is not approved, the ether may have to be shut down, bringing massive unemployment and retribution from the Law of Taxation.

"Easy come, easy glow," as nuclear powerplant officials say. This phrase, which suggests the epidermal effect of a genital collaboration, subsumes a mystical truth that may be extracted and discarded like the essential nutrients of refined comestibles.