Recovery from Depression
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Related Pages
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Howl
why is it that the middle of the night hurts more than any other time?
i'm so fucking sick of being strong blood on the keyboard blood on the glass this isn't going to be pretty so stop now if you have to
my partner had an eye check-up today she's probably in the early stages of glaucoma on top of being borderline diabetic and i'm the one who has to be strong who has to be there for her i get to watch her health crumble and watch her self-esteem and her independence get taken away by nothing more than the fact that she's a living breathing human being and nothing fucking last forever nothing not her not me not fucking anything lasts forever
why won't the tears come why why why why why?
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oh the tears i'll be ok i don't have any choice, do i? |
three six nine |
how the hell am i supposed to be strong when there's nothing left inside how the hell many times am i supposed to drag myself screaming back out of the pit how many times do i have to rebuild myself and why why why do i have to do it? is there any answer anywhere?
the middle of the night
is the time of demons
what is the point anyway don't tell me i can guess, the point is that there is no point i just get to go on anyway because there's no choice she needs me and depends on me and that dependency is something that can tear her apart and there is no fucking choice because her health insurance depends on me i can't can't can't can't give up or collapse or be weak and needy
i don't have a choice and that's bullshit and the fact that it's bullshit still doesn't give me a choice
talk about being a slave to love
we are alone with our thoughts
i do have a choice i can be strong and bear the weight i can care for her and watch her fade and know that the same thing will happen to me
or i can choose not to do it and do it anyway
now i know what those words mean in sickness and in health for better and for worse and here i am. who will be here for me when it's my turn? no answer i know there's no answer so don't even try to tell me otherwise
the tears are stuck again
i'll be ok i have to be ok because the alternative would hurt even worse
the demons of the night
feed on our fears
i did a picture a week ago it's called the arid land and it scares me because i know where inside that picture came from alone adrift nothing in sight i know where that picture came from
fuck i need to go to bed and try to get some sleep i've got a design document to write and decisions to make and i have to be strong at work so that i can continue to be strong for her and it all just sucks the strength out of me
my cat loves me but she's old and sick and needs me too i can't lean on her because she's leaning on me so i'll go back to bed and she'll curl up on my side and remind me that obligations never end
oh the tears
i'll be ok no really it's fucking nothing i'll be ok i'll be ok i'll be ok no i won't i'll be ok
If there is a single curse to being human, it is our imperfect vision of the future. If there is another, it is our certainty that this vision will be true.
It does not help to look in that direction. Carol is here now, and we have what we have. That is what matters.
Tomorrow will come, and when it comes I will be ready because I have learned how to deal with today.
Copyright © 1997, 2001 by Diane Wilson. All rights reserved.