For me, forgiveness was something that happened fairly late in recovery. Here are a few thoughts...

Forgiveness is something that you do for yourself. More than anything else, it is letting go of any expectation that the other person will change. It is letting go of any expectation of apology, or of recognition and acknowledgement of wrong-doing. It is acknowledging to yourself that the other person acted in the only way that this person could act.

Forgiveness does not mean turning the other cheek. If a person who has wronged you in the past has the capability to hurt you again, you have every right to protect yourself. Forgiveness does not require that you extend trust. This kind of forgiveness is not dependent on the other person changing, so the only safe assumption for you is that this person has not changed.

In so many cases, the underlying issue is a broken promise of one sort or another. In my case, my childhood was taken away from me by abusive and controlling parents, and by an emotionally empty father. I have forgiven them for being who they were, but this does not in any way begin to fulfill the needs I had as a child, and that I still need. Forgiving my parents, and letting go of any expectation that they ever could have been adequate parents, means that I have to take ownership of those unfulfilled needs. Now that I know those needs will never be met by my parents, I am free to fill those needs for myself.

In the end, forgiveness is freedom. It is a gift to yourself. It is release.