"Truth, Justice, and the American Way." If Superman were alive today, he'd be just another extremist moral relativist. If there is such a thing as Objective Truth--and I believe, though with a general lack of evidence, that it does exist--it is only tangentially relevant to the human condition.

There is a great deal of evidence that human memory is essentially reconstructive in nature. Truth is perceived, rather than experienced directly. The validity of truth depends on the accuracy of perception, relative to that which is perceived.

I began life on trial, with my mother as judge and jury. (If you read "The Second Battle of Pea Ridge," you've met her.) We didn't share much truth, because a fundamental requirement for shared truth is a shared perception of reality.

I know a little about her reality. Her life was being Mrs. Dr. Wilson. I existed to fit into her reality, which wasn't easy given that her reality was tangential to her perception of someone else's reality.

I complained about this once. I told her that something she was doing took so much of my time that it was hard for me to keep my friends. Her response--instantly--was, "Your father and I don't have any friends; why should you?"

These are the questions for today: What truth did she tell me? What truth did I hear? Let's start with my truth.

First, it is important that you know that my parents had an active social life. People over for dinner, going to other people's homes for dinner, usually with bridge afterwards. Who were these people if they weren't friends? The only other apparent explanation was that they were accessories to Mrs. Dr. Wilson's life as a Pillar of the Community.

Question: What is the functional difference between (a) the truth, and (b) the only apparent explanation. How might this difference have affected my perceptions, options, and behavior?

Second, I learned a truth that she certainly did not tell me. I learned that if I wanted a life of my own, it would have to be a secret life. I never again shared a truth with my mother. I withdrew from her life, and given that her life enclosed much of mine, that meant that I withdrew from a whole lot of life in general. Withdrawal became my new life.

What truth did she tell me? I honestly don't know, although I am certain that she didn't lie. It is a truth she has taken to her grave.[1]

Question: Does it matter that I don't know what her truth was? Describe the ways in which I might have changed my life if I had understood her truth. Emphasize options which could have altered my strategy of withdrawal. Given her view that I was peripheral to her existence, list behaviors that might have altered her perception to include the possibility that I might have truths that were different from hers, and that my truths were valid for me.

Question: Does it matter how accurately I recall this situation? Substitute "close friends" for "friends" in both my statement and hers. Describe how my perception of her social behavior, and my adaptation to preserve my own life, would have differed. Describe how any post-facto analysis of the situation, including subsequent behavioral changes, might relate to the possibilities that I either do or do not correctly recall the exact wording of the conversation.

Exercise: Define possible objective truths that may have existed in this situation. Describe how either participant might have become aware of these truths. Describe how such awareness could have led to alternative strategies. Limit your observations and speculations to awareness, thought, feelings, and behavior which could have occurred in real-time with the events described above.

Exercise: Determine when a subjective truth stops being true. Describe how a person might become aware that a subjective truth is no longer effective. Using my strategy of withdrawal as a starting point, and taking note of the self-reinforcing nature of withdrawal as a protective mechanism, describe a situation in which withdrawal becomes a destructive mechanism, and how the subject might become aware of destructive consequences when the inner truth is still one of protection.

Bonus points: Define an effective behavioral strategy that a person, one who is addicted to withdrawal for protection and self-maintenance, can follow in order to maintain a healthy, long-term emotionally intimate relationship. Assume the person understands the problems associated with withdrawal inside such a relationship.

Bonus points: Decide why it matters whether I, or any of you, can answer any of these questions.

You may use your answers to these questions in any way that is appropriate for you. Remember, this is a course in subjective truth. The subjective is also personal.

This concludes today's lecture. Please put away your textbooks and notes, take out one clean sheet of paper, and answer the following question:

Which of the following is true?
a. You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.
b. You shall know the truth, and the truth shall slip out of your grasp.
c. You shall know the truth, and the truth shall bite you on the ass.
d. You shall know the truth, and the truth shall gyre and gimble in the wabe.
e. There's always room for Jell-O(tm).

When you are done, fold your paper lengthwise, write what you believe to be your true name on the outside, and pass your papers forward. Thank you.

Attributions for the pop quiz: Jesus, Lewis Carroll, and folks who bring you Nutritious Food in Unnatural Colors. I trust you know what goes where.

[1] Yes, I have forgiven her. I understand, as much as is possible, the world in which she lived, and I understand that she acted within that context. This is all we can reasonably expect of any human being. If we perceive that such behavior is dangerous to us, then it is up to us to act on the truth of our perception.